z
zeldathemes
I enjoy bands.
as well as youtubers.

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

memebuscemi:

when ur with ur best friend

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stopwhitepeopleforever:

animegeek1130:

stopwhitepeopleforever:

iloveitwhenyoucallmebigappa:

thedeviousplot:

leunq:

wtf

wtf

get the fuck out

I want Plankton to plow my ass into the 4th dimension, I want my ass to be the reason he doesn’t give up when he fails to steal the krabby patty formula, I want you to send me to bikini bottom with 40 tanks of oxygen cause I’m gonna be on that dick for 40 days and 40 nights and then some I don’t give a fuck I’ll die riding that dick

please calm down ma’m

I’m a guy

phan-or-gtfo:

when you get your eyeliner perfect

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°

°

astridamunk:

ashton stop being such an adorable little piece of shit - it’s killing me

somekindofcontraption:

ohyousillypotato:

rogueshenanigans:

makin my way downtown

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walkin fast

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faces pass and im homebound

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What the actUAL FUCK AM I LOOKING AT JESUS CHRIST

loveatitsfinest:

HELL YEAH

545,137 plays

cliterallysame:

this is my favorite video on this website

plays

yepperoni:

Bill Gates Leaps Over Chair

straight couple: *make out in public at random intervals in weird places*
straight couple: *grabs each other's asses in public*
straight couple: *are not in any way inconspicuous about the fact that they are feeling each other up in public*
gay couple: *holds hands in public*
straight people: that is VILE and it is CORRUPTING my entire FAMILY. my grandmother is crying. my children have all shit their pants at the same time. WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN
7,076 plays

scurrilizzie:

exit152:

remEMEBER WHEN I TOOK THIS AND POSTED IT AND IT GOT LIKE 1000 NOTES

 opEN UP THT EFUKCING PIT